Thursday 25 December 2014

Merry Christmas Everybody!

And that again is that. Odd to think that, for many, this is the start of Christmas while for me it’s just ending. I now have to lock myself into a broom cupboard for another ten months until I can come out and seek out more festive cheer for the 9th Annual Advent Calendar – Deity of choice providing, of course.

Still I don’t need to drag you into my private hell so it just remains to wish you what you’d wish yourself and leave you all with a crackling ‘MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR’. Thanks for dropping in and hope to see you all again next year.


And just to show we don't just do kitsch at Blagg Acres


Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 25. Christmas Wham!


Day 25 - Christmas Unicorn - Sufjan Stevens

Despite protestations every year that this Calendar isn’t a ‘Best of’ or ‘Greatest’ list and Day 25 is no different from any other – in fact most of my favourite tracks appear earlier in the list ever year – there’s always a bit of self-imposed pressure to go out with a bang every Christmas Day.

The last track No: 58 from the ‘Silver & Gold’ box set of 2012, the sub-titled ‘Songs for Christmas Vols. 6-10’ was a follow up to Sufjan Stevens’ 1-5 volumes released in 2006 which was itself a 42 track EP set. It’s easy to see that old Suffie – as I like to call him - has his own Advent Calendar in place and, such is the quality of the vast majority of the tracks, it would be easy to include one a year until I become a Ghost of Christmas Past meself.

This undoubtedly won’t be for everyone then and the initial bit of early noodling may have some reaching for the stop key – I'm a Christmas Unicorn / In a uniform made of gold / With a billy goat beard / And a sorcerer's shield / And a mistletoe on my nose - but at 12 ½ minutes you can’t complain you’re not getting your money’s worth here and, in any case, I implore you to stick it out until at least the 7.30 mark when the burgeoning and in itself gloriously catchy chorus of You're the Christmas Unicorn too / (It's all right, I love you)’  suddenly morphs into another song – you need to listen to find out what! - something truly wondrous happens and we’re in a wonderland of Christmas mayhem. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll be glad it’s Christmas - and you can’t really ask for more than that.


Wednesday 24 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 24. Jesus of Cool


Like dogging in a Multi-storey Car Park. Wrong on so many levels!

Day 24 - I'd Like You For Christmas - Julie London

Julie London, the former actress cum jazz / pop singer, born Gayle Peck in 1926, had an illustrious singing career, probably peeking with the original version of the now standard ‘Cry Me A River’ that gave London a world-wide smash hit in 1955.

Julie had a big career in both film and TV appearing in many big movies and top-rated shows, but her main strength was her sultry voice, London herself describing it thus: "It's only a thimbleful of a voice, and I have to use it close to the microphone. But it is a kind of over-smoked voice, and it automatically sounds intimate”. That’s certainly the case with this gorgeous 1957 recording and it’s also available on an album called ‘Ultra Lounge / Christmas Cocktails’ and that in itself is likely to provide me with some tracks in years to come.

Julie sadly left this world in 2000 but with a Christmas legacy like this, she’ll live long in the memory. Turn down the lights, stoke up the fire, pour yourself some festive cheer, get your chestnuts out and prepare to roast ‘em. This perfectly sets the mood for Christmas Eve. And you know how I feel about Christmas Eve….



Tuesday 23 December 2014

The Cat Who Came For Christmas



In my photo album for 2000  – remember photo albums? How quaint! – this photo has the caption underneath ‘The Cat who came for Christmas – and stayed’. 

Indeed Puss – we never gave him a name because we thought someone would claim him – did stay, became quite a character and an important member of the family. He took on the mantle of Paolo Di Cattio in my Blagg column and book and has popped up regularly on this calendar and other places since – only last year giving a festive wave. 

An estimated two years old when he joined Blagg Acres, sadly the little lad fell ill in the spring and despite our best attempts, went to the Big Cattery in the Sky in July and won’t be with us this Christmas. We miss him still and raise a toast to his memory and the mini-Cat’s home that has evolved in an attempt to fill the gap he left. 

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 23. Winter Wren


Day 23 - Christmas at the Airport - Nick Lowe

Great song, great video. My only complaint is Mr Lowe seems to have toured his release from December of last year exclusively in the States this year. Don't forget your roots, Nick!

It looks like Christmas / Christmas in the Airport this year / Don't save me any Turkey / I found a burger in the bin




2017: Sadly the excellent video has been pulled. Seek it out if you can.

Monday 22 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 22. Rudolph


Day 22 - Christmas in Vietnam - Soul Searchers

There’s a few songs called ‘Christmas in Vietnam’ out there - one by Private Charles Bowen that appeared on Day 13 of the 2010 calendar (unashamed plug for the 2010.blog ) - and indeed the Vietnam war produced a number of Christmas related records, let’s not forget the mind-blowing ‘Christmas in the Jungle’ by Derrick Roberts from Day 10 of the 2007 Calendar (another unashamed link for the 2007.blog) .

You can pretty much guess how this is going to pan out when a spoken introduction tells you ’A lonely soldier lay dying in a fox hole in Vietnam’ and sure enough the Gospel feel to this Soul song provides everything you’d expect - good and bad - as the dying man and his buddy sing “Ohh – I know it’s Christmas here in Vietnam’. 

Released in 1967 this is ‘of its time’ admittedly, but it still reminds us that men and women are out there this Christmas in other deserts and jungles. Soul Searchers were apparently just Charles ‘Chuck’ Brown, a musician from North Carolina who was highly thought of in Washington and earned himself the epithet of ‘Godfather of Go Go’ on the east coast.


  

Saturday 20 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 20. Alien Dog


Day 20 - Talkin' Christmas - The Blind Boys of Alabama with Taj Mahal

This year's Christmas album of choice combines the gospel of the Blind Boys with the Blues styling of Taj Mahal and the result - on the title track at least - is a surprising funk laden groove thang that will have you up and shakin' yer tail feather with nary a worry about anyone else. Cracking stuff and if you look up this track you can soon chase down the whole album.


Friday 19 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 19. The Boxing Day Bird of Paradise


Day 19 - Christmas Cancelled - Macka B

Blimey! Now he tells me! You could have mentioned it before I spent four hours in Primark Macka.

Mr B – or Christopher MacFarlane as he better known to his local tax office in Wolverhampton – is pretty wound up about the commercialisation of Christmas on this scathing slice of dub Reggae - and who can blame him? This was released in 2000 – long before the joys of the John Lewis ad – so I’m not expecting things have got better for Macka in the intervening years. It is like shooting fish in a barrel though and I can’t help but feel his ire might be better extended elsewhere.


Thursday 18 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 18. Stiletto in the Snow


Day 18 - What Do The Lonely Do At Christmas - The Emotions

What do the lonely do at Christmas? Stock up on the award winning Adnams Longshore Vodka, break open the Heston Mince Pies and listen to all eight years of the Blagg calendar - including this 1972 Stax recording - if they have any sense.


Wednesday 17 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 17. The Nightmare Before the Chihuahua of Christmas


I mean, isn't this just the definition of grotesque? Lady B tells me it's a Chihuahua but with the eye shadow, lipstick, brown nose, yellow beard and the face of a dog. It reminds me of a woman I met once at a party...

Day 17 - City of Christmas Ghosts - Goldblade featuring Poly Styrene


One of the unexpected pleasures of rattling around here every December is discovering odd things that I would probably have otherwise missed and finding associated tracks beyond it to keep me going for the rest of the year.  F’er instance, who’d have thought when I started this that I’d have two records in different calendars both featuring Poly Syrene?

Now I was a bit of a Germ Free Adolescent back in the day but I’d not really sought out Poly after until I discovered her ‘Black Christmas’ song released in 2010 ( Day 17 at http://blaggadventcalendarchristmassongs2011.blogspot.co.uk/), that led to listening to some of the impressive new music she was producing. Sadly, following the release of the excellent ‘Generation Indigo’ album, the former Marianne Elliott-Said tragically died from cancer in April 2011 and rock lost one of it’s true innovators.

Before that though, Poly had collaborated with John Robb – ex Membranes front man and, effectively, Goldblade – to  produce ‘City of Christmas Ghosts’ in 2008. Initially just ‘City of Ghosts’ from Goldblade’s ‘Mutiny’ album of the same year, the Christmas version was remixed for seasonal release on red and green vinyl and just the thought of holding that makes me drool with pleasure (It doesn’t take much to make me happy nowadays).


Tuesday 16 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 16. The Holiday Hasselblad


Day 16 - Hard Candy Christmas - Dolly Parton

Odd how things turn out. I discovered this last Christmas but it just missed the cut on the 2013 calendar but I pencilled it in for 2014, unaware of just how relevant it would be this year. With her appearance at Glastonbury last summer, 2014 has very much been Dolly’s year and this is a heart-breaking song of loss at Christmas.

Maybe I'll sleep real late / Maybe I'll lose some weight / Maybe I'll clear my junk / Maybe I'll just get drunk on apple wine / Me, I'll be just fine and dandy / Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas


Monday 15 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 15. The Magical Moose


Day 15 - It's Christmas Once Again - Frankie Lymon

Indeed it is Frankie, me old china.

Mr Lymon without his Teenagers – who are all frankly in their ‘70’s now anyway – in a glorious Doo-Wop tribute to the season. Sadly Frankie never made it beyond 25, dying pitifully of a drugs overdose in his grandmother’s bathroom. The kid had a great voice though, this is excellent stuff and well worth 2’ 23” of your time as you zip around ordering stuff online.


Sunday 14 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 14. Jolly Jumper



Day 14 - Corpus Christi Carol - Jeff Buckley

For the second Advent Sunday in the calendar a track from Buckley's 'Grace' album.

Allegorical, the Arthurian legend, actually about Anne Boleyn - theories are endless but one thing is certain is that Buckley sure as hell wraps his tonsils around this one. Makes you wonder what he would be doing now had he not died so tragically early.



Saturday 13 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 13. Seasonal Stag


Day 13 - Christmas Rappin' - Kurtis Blow

From 1979 comes the first Rap record to be released on a major label as the erstwhile Kurt Walker becomes Kurtis Blow and helps change music in a way few really understood when this first charted.

So I went to the attic where I thought heard the static / On a chance that the prance was breaking in / But the noise on the top was a reindeer clop / Just a tricky St Nick, and I let the sucka in

Over eight minutes so all you ladies say "Ahhhh"...


Friday 12 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 12. Christmas in Foreign Lands


Hey it's Christmas-time in other parts of the world too! Apparently way overseas, it's celebrated on the Isle of Man as well! Who knew?

Day 12 - The Little Fir Tree - Peter Brough and Archie Andrews

Be afraid. Be very afraid. 

Archie Andrews – not to be confused with the US cartoon character of the same name - was once one of Britain’s best-loved ventriloquist dummies. 

On the arm of Peter Brough, the pair were a sensation in the 1950’s where the radio show ‘Educating Archie’ was regularly listened to – yes, you’ve spotted the anomaly there, haven’t you? – by audiences in excess of 15 million. ‘Educating’ was a platform for up and coming stars too and Tony Hancock, Max Bygraves, Benny Hill, Dick Emery, Bruce Forsyth and Julie Andrews were just a few of the familiar names who made their show business debuts alongside Brough and Andrews.

The pair transferred to the growing medium of TV in 1958 but the tele-visual experience only revealed the rather disturbing fact that Brough’s mouth moved a bit too much whenever Andrews was speaking and the act had become dated by the time the ‘60’s arrived. 

Dressed in cap, scarf and stripey blazer and referring to Brough simply by his surname in a disparaging style, Archie is very much a product of the decade in which he found his fame. Later years would see the ventriloquist dummy as an altogether more macabre item though and, if you’re nervous around such a doll, it’s likely Archie Andrews may be the stuff of nightmares.

Peter Brough died in 1999 and Archie is now – quite literally probably – in the hands of a collector who paid £34,000 for him in 2005 at a private auction. Now approaching his 70th year, Andrews may recall ‘The Little Fir Tree’  with a spoken intro about ‘other boys teasing him because he was different’ and continuing with the tale of a little tree who lived quite close to ‘where I come from in the woods’. The whole thing is supposed to be a Children’s classic but is spooky beyond words and I can’t get the spoken ‘It Looked Pretty’ out of my mind as Brough sings.

Try it if you dare but treat it with caution…Hey, what’s that?..it can’t be but…is that Archie sitting in the corner over there? How come he is speaking but no-one is holding him? Brough? Brough? Noooooo…!




Thursday 11 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 11. Santa's Squirrel


Day 11 - Howling Christmas - Spearmint


Spearmint are a London based Indie outfit whose album ‘Oklahoma’ is something of a festive concept; every track being a small vignette in which the listener follows a number of different individuals from one town on one same Christmas Eve. 

It sounds a great idea and I’d like to tell you I’ve heard it all but, in truth, I haven’t, although I will do it eventually – perhaps this year who can say? As soon as I have, you’ll be the first to know.


Wednesday 10 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 10. Rejoicing Robin


Day 10 - Christmas At The Zoo - The Flaming Lips

Wayne Coyne and friends see a bit too much of the Spirit on Christmas Eve and break into the local zoo to release all the animals – Hey! We’ve all had nights like that, right? – but the animals are all institutionalised and don’t want to leave. Isn’t that always the way. A sobering tale for our times.


Tuesday 9 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 9. Santa's Stag Head


Day 9 - Christmas Boogie - The Davis Sisters

A storming boogie-woogie hep-cat, jive talking version of the ‘Night before Christmas’ complete with great lines including:

"The stockings were hung by the chimney with care /  With everyone hoping they'd be getting their share"

and

"He was chubby and plump, a fat little elf  / `He's been eatin' regular,' I said to myself.' "

The sister’s themselves were two unrelated country singers Skeeter Davis – who had a worldwide solo hit with ‘The End of the World’ - and Betty Jack Davis and you owe it to the pair of them to give this a good listening this festive season.

You can find it here:


Monday 8 December 2014

Sunday 7 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 7. Santa's Sequined Poodle


Day 7 - Hark! The Herald Angels Sing - The Fall

It's a Sunday on the calendar and regulars will know that heralds - see what I did there? - a Christmas Carol.

So here we are only seven days into the festivities and Mark E. Smith is already bored by the sound of it. As expected, a driving guitar and searing vocal from Smith  but it's the astonishing use of a the choral section that sets this apart.


Saturday 6 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 6. Jolly Santa


Day 6 - Christmas in Heaven - Monty Python



Anyone who saw any of the Python’s ‘One Down, Five to Go’ farewell tour will know this song featured as part of that show and, being as the tour took place in the summer, some of us found ourselves singing this in July. It seems a shame to miss it out now that it’s at least appropriate. 


Friday 5 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 5. The Magic Bus


Day 5 - I'm Going Christmas Shopping - Horace Williams, Choker Campbell & His Magic City Orchestra

Whoa Horace! What a coincidence – so am I! 

How about we meet up outside Costa Coffee and you can buy me one of those festive Chocolate drinks for giving you a bit of publicity?

If you’ve got this rare Northern Soul disc then it’s worth about £50 which will go some way to getting the Mrs something frilly and essential from Anne Summers. Or you could just play it and dance. Your choice.


Thursday 4 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 4. The Christmas Cupcake


Day 4 - She Came Home For Christmas - Mew

Danish indie rockers Mew with a dark, obtuse brooding track that will almost certainly start up the annual argument as to what actually constitutes a Christmas record. 

The title of this track is only mentioned in the very last line and there’s little in the frankly odd lyrics before that to suggest it’s a ‘real’ Christmas song, but somehow those Nordic sensibilities give it a cold, festive, wintery feel and in that sense it seems like a companion piece to something like Low’s ‘Just Like Christmas’. 

Anyway, you lot can argue the toss – I’m too busy trying to stop Buzz the kitten from eating the Christmas lights.


Wednesday 3 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 3. The Dog of Delight


What's that under his nose? 

Day 3 - Daddy's Drinking Up Our Christmas - Commander Cody & His Lost Planet Airmen

No new Frigidaire for Momma / No toy train for brother Jim / Daddy’s drinking up our Christmas / Dunno what’s gonna become of him

If anyone reading this does happen to be starting off on their first Christmas with a new Significant Other, can I suggest that you don’t buy them a new Fridge as a gift. Really, It’s a very bad idea. A Meat Slicer is a much better present. Thank me later.


Tuesday 2 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 2. The Creepy Christmas Cat


"Look into the eyes. Not around the eyes but into the eyes..."

Day 2 - I Believe in Father Christmas - Greg Lake

…Talking of which…

Eight years in and it’s about time I slipped in a staple and this is a chestnut from right out of the fire at just the right moment before they crack your teeth.


In John Peel’s legendary 1992 ‘Songs that Santa Forgot’ show, the great man introduced the evening as ‘Guaranteed Greg Lake free’ and there would have been a large portion of the cognoscenti chuckling knowingly to a little poke at one of the men responsible for the rock dinosaur that was ‘Emerson, Lake and Palmer’. Equally though there were also a few shifting uncomfortably at the trite dismissal of one of the great ‘70’s Christmas classics. A song about lost innocence more than anything, the Pete Sinfield lyrics inevitably include one ‘veil of tears’ but this doesn’t stop it from being a joyous celebration of the season and – like it or not – one of those songs it just wouldn’t be Christmas without. The video’s a stonker too and reminded me why the first Mrs B had a bit of a thing for young Greg.



Monday 1 December 2014

Lady B's Kitsch Christmas Tree - 1. The Christmas Parrot of Perfect Peace



Look it's even got lashes and eye shadow!

Day 1 - Lieutenant Kijé (Opus 60) - The Cleveland Orchestra


Day one on the calendar is where I traditionally get people telling me *puts on whiney voice* ‘it's all too early’, so I like to start with something a little more ‘seasonal’ than outright Christmas – and frankly, if this doesn’t get you poking around in the cupboard for the festive jumper and the flashing Santa hat then there’s probably no hope for you.

Sergei Sergeyevich Prokofiev wrote the score for the film ‘Lieutenant Kije’ in 1933, which formed part of his Symphonic Suite for Orchestra, Opus 60 - the Troika Suite. 

The link here to the whole 19 minute opus disappeared from YouTube but then I knew all along that you heathens were just skipping to about 8’ 16” where the traditional ‘Sleigh Ride’ theme begun, the tune immortalised for another generation by Greg Lake. That was a shame as the first part of the Opus is equally interesting as Sting used it on his 1985 hit ‘Russians’ the ‘B side’ of which was ‘Gabriel’s Message’ – Day 11 on the 5th Advent Calendar. 

See I don’t just chuck these things together!

Anyway, in order not to displease the Cleveland Orchestra by linking to another performance, here's the bit you all went too anyway.